When I Want to Be Like Mommy Jolie or Mommy Richie

Although we won't know until the next 2 weeks, Hanif and I have been pretty positive with the whole situation. We talk to the baby alot.. Hanif talks to my tummy every night before we go to bed. Daddy-to-be sometimes sings :) And the mommy sometimes just gets a good night kiss, grrrr.... (Hanif, your wife must at all times, come first!)

It's so sweet to see Hanif so very much in love with that little dot we saw during the ultra sound scan.

I still tear a lil bit, when we pray... So emo kan?

Anyways, Hanif took me to MPH today, to arm myself with useful pregnancy books. I ended up buying only one book - healthy eating during pregnancy (or something along those lines lah). I'm so afraid to be fat! I don't want to be fat! I need to know what and how much I should eat cause my appetite has escalated like no one's business and Im forever hungry! Seriously. From the moment I wake up, before and after meals, every hour.. Boohoo... And Im only one month along!

I wanna be pregnant like Angelina Jolie and Nicole Richie pleasssse.

When That One Dot Needs All the Prayers It Can Get

I waited for 3 hours before I got to meet my ob/gyn at DSH on Saturday. I don't understand why a specialist, at an esteemed private hospital, would not take appointments and instead prefers to enforce a first come, first served system! (thus the long wait...)

Grouses aside, I was ultra excited to have my belly ultra-sound scanned for the first time. And it only took seconds before I saw my baby... It was just one tiny round spot. A beautiful round spot. Haha.

But the thrill was quickly replaced by sadness when I told the doctor about the chicken pox I just recovered from. While she slowly explains the risks that my baby will face, I slowly broke down. I didnt want to cry. I hate crying in front of anyone (except Hanif). But hearing something that I'm actally already aware of from my ob/gyn's mouth, just saddened me. And the worst thing was, she actually asked if aborting will be a choice that I will consider. Cry.....

Aborting was definitely not an option.

Although initially I thought it would be best if we kept the news of my pregnancy a secret until my next ob/gyn visit, I changed my mind towards the evening as I suddenly felt our baby needs all the prayers from our closest and loved ones. It was our only option - to pray that my baby will be healthy... and sempurna.

I couldnt make the calls. I was an emotional wreck. After dinner, Hanif made the calls to my parents, his parents and my aunt who raised me (whom I call Mak)... at a distance that I could not listen to their conversation as he knew the 'repercussions' if I did. But yet, I still teared. Gosh.....

The doctor told us we can only see the baby's heartbeat in 2 weeks time. Im only 4 weeks along now. The doctor also said that if the fetus is weak, it will abort itself. Cry..... But if there's a heartbeat, then Insya allah, our baby will be fine....

So until then... we are all praying.... and I hope by then I can share with all my friends and loved ones the good news....

When It Takes Only Two Words to Make A Gazzillion People Excited

Before I got pregnant, no.. in fact throughout our 2 year marriage, Hanif and I have been asked the baby question relentlessly. Everyone seemed to want this baby more than we did! (not that we didn't want one)

And after the gazzillionth person asked me that question, I told myself (and a few from the gazzillion), that I would seriously consider making an announcement in a big way to share the news when the time comes, maybe have a party?

But before that, I had to break the happy news to my husband. When Hanif came home after work yesterday, I just shoved the test stick into his hands. Being overwhelmed seriously zaps your creativity.

It didn't register 100% until I showed him the pregnancy test box and see what the TWO lines meant. That was followed by widened eyes, the question "are you serious?", lots of giggles and laughter, a shower of kisses for mommy-to-be, a tight hug and a sprinkle of tears. And he actually blurted,"How did this happen?" Like, duh. Being overwhelmed zaps logic too.

Hanif was clearly over the moon because just a few days ago, he told me he can't wait to be a daddy :) I guess his wish came true, and so quickly too!

And now I can't wait to break the news to everyone! I feel like an erupting volcano waiting to vomit out everything. I feel so sorry for Intan cause I've not been entertaining her calls or her FB status updates. I'm so sorry my dahling BFF yea, I really wanted to figure out a nice way to share this wonderful news!

Plus I have this thing about needing to tell my Dad first before anyone else. (It was the same when Hanif proposed. My lips were sealed until I told my Dad, face-to-face first!). In fact, I just SMSed him as I was writing this to check when's his next trip to KL. I can't wait! To tell him. And everyone!

In the mean time, I've decided, in this era of blogging, FB-ing and Twitter-ing, I might as well, in line with the digital media trend, use this blog to announce that I'm PREGGERS!!!! U happy now?? U happy now that a mini-Suraya or a mini-Hanif is on its way? Now you can't ask me that question anymore. Hahahaha. I'm so happy :)

When It Takes Only 2 Lines to Change Your Life

Ive been wanting to start blogging for the last couple of months. And even more so the last couple of days, for some reasons I'm quite unsure of. But it never did take off cause although I had a strong desire to blog, I had no idea what to blog about.

Until.... I had a funny feeling I was... pregnant. Well the funny feeling was pre-empted by the fact that I was ‘late’. For a whole week and half. I wasn’t the sort who kept tab of my cycle and somehow rather oddly, I marked the calendar on my hp the date I had my menses last month, which was April 18. May 18 and a whole week went by. I was getting anxious. I shared with my husband the situation. To which he confidently replied, “Don’t worry sweety. It must be the stress from having the pox.”

And that is another story. Let me digress. I just recovered from the chicken pox. Yes I know... at THIS age? The first pimple (at that time, I seriously thought it was one) made its appearance on May 13. Then 5 more ‘pimples’ joined the party the next day. Even then, the doctor couldn’t tell what was going on with me. On the 3rd day and 10 more ‘pimples’, I went to get a second opinion and it took this very smart doctor 2 seconds to diagnose that I really REALLY did have the pox. I almost burst out in tears, almost. I was on the brink of tears because 1. The earlier doctor was an IDIOT. 2. Why me???????? 3. My skin!

Suffice to say I cried (you would too!) when I was home, on that day, the next day and the day after next. Nevertheless, after religiously taking 2 boxes of antivirals 5 times a day, a daily dose of Chinese herbal medicine which looks and tastes as delicious as drain water, daily showers of a magic purple bath (imported all the way from Kelantan thanks to Suzie, i love you), daun semambu paste (courtesy of my dear mom in law), hourly calamine-ing, and strictly abiding to a diet recommended for pox 'victims', I amazingly recovered in a week's time. Within a week, the pox on my face (which was aplenty) scabbed over and slowly disappeared.

Thus, that’s how my husband came to his conclusion. And so after days of having the ‘funny feeling’, I told my friend Annie yesterday, over a yummy meal of aglio olio, the whole story and she immediately dragged me to the nearest pharmacy and bought me my first pregnancy test. I had no idea how it really looks like until that day. Anyways, thanks Annie!

Today came, and I wasn’t convinced to take the test. 1. I was afraid it could be a false alarm (hey, I DO wanna have a baby) 2. I was again afraid if I was really preggers, would the chicken pox virus effect my baby???? Out of burning curiosity, I rang up my good friend/former housemate/hot doctor – Abby for her opinion. She convinced me it'll be wise to take the test now.

After a hearty breakfast, I nervously took the test (it was like finding out if you're pregnant with your boyfriend's child. But I'm married for god's sake!). I stared at the magic stick. One prominent blue line appeared. That's the control line. And then nothing. As my heart slowly sank... I caught a shadow of ANOTHER line. And I stared really hard. Is this for real??? This line became more and more visible. But was faint compared to the control line. Did I feel a bit giddy with joy? Oh yeah I did. Was I preggers? I wasn't sure. Faint line? Pregnant kah?



So I called up Abby. No answer. I called my best friend who lives in Bandung and she got waaaaaaaaayy more giddy than I was (I expected that.) Intan squealed,”O my god! O my god! Go get another one just to be sure!!!! But I think you are!!!” The next minute, Abby returned my call. “Congratulations babe....” Abby’s first words before I could even say 'Hello'. She too advised to do the test one more time.

Intan calls me no less than 3 times within an hour. I was too giddy with joy and was still stunned. Could I be pregnant? I was smiling and giggling like a high-school teenager who just got a call from her biggest crush. And I smiled and high-school giggled all the way to the nearest pharmacy and back. After having my lunch, I took the test one more time.

This test pack was different from the first one (to those who will be taking this test in future, pls use Clearblue. Trust me). I caught this one in action using my trusted handphhone, just so I can share this wonderful moment with my husband later. Who would have thought watching a stick absorb your urine could be so exciting.

The feeling of watching the 2nd line appearing.... is indescribable. Even the 2nd time round. I will always remember this day. When two test sticks proved that I was indeed having a baby. Im having a baby..... We’ve created another human being. And this living breathing thing is in MY tummy. I know millions of people conceive and have conceived. In fact, I'm surrounded by so many mommies-to-be. But when you actually are pregnant yourself, it's different... it's special. You just feel..... life is so amazing.

And so this beautiful journey begins.... :)