Within this precious 6 months, I've come to understand that friendships are not forever, even if you are the BFF of all BFFs, even when you've shared your entire teenage/college years together maneuvering our way around our parents (translation: occasional lying), sweating it out at exams, bickering about boyfriends, bitching about girlfriends, having the time of our lives, discovering life....
Within the span of my pregnancy so far, I've had to let go - no, lost - a friend. Or two. Of my dearest, closest friends. I owe this to the entirely different paradigms of life each of us are at this present moment. While I'm carefully harvesting this precious being within me which will make its way into this world next year, my dearest friends are respectively busy with her newfound purpose in life and the other is still figuring out, or shall I say fighting for her 'happily ever after'. I don't see why we can't all still be in each other's lives despite the differences in environment, and in opinions. I know I can...
I miss both of them, truly. And it breaks my heart to decide that I do not want both of them in my life at all anymore. I can't bear to continue being upset, sad or disappointed at your choices of action when it comes to our friendship. I have a lil boy on the way, and I don't need both of you to take that joy away from me.
Friends warned me that when you have a child, your world changes entirely and it will never be the same again. This is very true, only that I didn't have to wait for my baby to be born before my life started to change. I will probably be losing two of the funnest, funniest and craziest friends, but I bet my life on it that everything will be even more amazing and meaningful when my son arrives...
To both of my former friends, all the best in your future endeavors, may God bless both of you with what you've been in search of all these while.
Suraya dearest,
ReplyDeleteI somehow feel like tearing up reading this post of yours. Beautifully written, touched me in ways I have never told anyone before.
I can't help to not have felt 'I have lost' my girlfriends when they became wives and mothers. All the promises of 'I won't change' and 'I will still see you as much' seem to be the most impossible things on the menu to keep up with.
I understand it is out of our control and I'll never be able to truly comprehend it without being in a Mrs' shoes.
Most of the time, as much as I'm upset of the unkept promises, I try my best to 'renew' the meaning of true friends. Instead of being there for each other all the time, maybe for now, it's enough to know that we will still be for each other and be able to pick up exactly where we left the last we meet.
I hope to be able to keep and 'keep renewing' this amazing friendship no matter what phase of life we will be in - with someone I'm so proud to have known and to be able to say 'Suraya is my friend' whenever your smile graces my idiot box :)
dear suraya... don't be so sad about losing them... i know that deep inside your friends heart, they're still loving you... sometimes they need a room to accept your condition right now... give them time and space to realize the matter.... and most important is keep praying for the happiness...
ReplyDeletewith love
liza
Reading this post makes me realize i'm not alone when it comes to losing the so-called best friend.It makes me feel more positive and finally accepted the truth that live has to go on...even without them.
ReplyDeleteNo matter how bad the ending was for me...i'm learning and swallowing the bitter seed that i am no longer needed in their life, no longer useful for them and no longer appreciated.All the good time has totally vanished from their memories....not a single one left.
I truly understand how do you feel. We are almost in the same shoe...only it happens a few weeks before my wedding, where it is the time I need them to support me and be there for my big day.
Sadly but true...none of them were with me when I am pronounced as somebody's lifelong partner..
But I still survive ..up until now.Even when they are not around me anymore. And I am so grateful Allah still love me that He gave me chance to appreciate life with my family and partner....