Hello Twenty13!

Its the first day of 2013. I can't believe the years have flown by so ever quickly. 3 years ago, my son was born in the first few days of 2010. This Friday, he'll be turning 3, Masyaallah. I still remember everything ever so clearly, being pushed on the wheelchair to the labour ward, crying my eyeballs out when the epidural was administered, giggling and napping (and puking - epidural side effects) through the last hour of my pain-free labour process =)

And in the next few days, Ilhan will be THREE. I haven't managed to update my blog in agesssss and sadly missed out documenting the three precious years of growing up. I remember before he was born, my BFF said she couldnt imagine life without her kids. Now I completely understand what she meant. I CANT imagine my life without my son. He's everything and so much more that I cld ever ask for!

But I did ask, kept asking God, for one thing. I prayed for another baby. And alhamdulillah, after many, many, many pregnancy test kits that turned out negative, last October 18th, it was positive =) I was in such shock I broke down the minute the 2nd line appeared (it took forever to appear I swear!). First thing I did (sorry hubs!) was to call the BFF who lives all the way in Indonesia. Sobbing, could barely speak, BFF was frantic. After a while, I finally managed to spit out 3 words "I'm preg nant!"

After I hung up the phone, I was much calmer and whatsapp-ed my husband the news =) 

The funny thing is, that morning, my body kind of sent me a 'signal'. It was going to be a busy day at work and I woke up, couldnt drag myself out of bed and wished I could just lay in bed all day. As I was rolling around in my bed, suddenly I felt some movement in my tummy, it felt similar to a baby kicking in your womb. That was weird. So weird. All day, all I could think of was "I need to take a pregnancy test." After work, I immediately got a test kit and the 2nd line didn't appear. Until like 5 hours later! Ok I'm kidding, probably about 3 minutes later. Damn you cheapo test kit.

I'm beyond happy and above all, incredibly grateful to Allah. Almost 16 weeks along, I pray my lil one will grow and develop healthily and beautifully for the next 5 months. Insyaallah, Ilhan will be an abang this year =)

Who Knew Enfalac Could Make Me Cry

So the inevitable happened... I had but no choice to introduce formula milk to baby Ilhan. I gave in to the dreaded formula milk because...

• I only have sufficient breastmilk to feed but not to express and store
• Therefore it was difficult when I had to work and leave Ihan with my in laws
• So I chose to only go places where I could bring Ilhan along for one whole month
• Until I could not continue avoiding places that I had to be without him
• I tried to prolong it until a week before he turned 6 months old
• and I was both relieved and utterly, truly, terribly distraught when he took his very first bottle so well

Not everyone will understand, but it was painful and I cried as I fed him his first bottle of formula. But thankfully, my BFF Intan told me its OK to cry. Its normal. She cried too... Sigh. Again, one of those things experienced moms wont share until queried.

Its been a week and so far, alhamdulillah Ilhan has been taking both forms of milk equally well. (And gosh, me thinks he has gained considerable weight ever since!)

Enfalac, you've had a big impact on me. But Ive learnt to accept you now, Im cool with you. Just dont take my baby away from me aight!

Halfway to Celebrating his 1st Birthday!

Ilhan turns 6 months today. Wow. WOW. My little baby boy has grown so much. Im proud to share that my lil McDreamy as of now can:

• Roll over. From left to right, right to left. Being on his belly is his favourite position now.
• Almost crawl. And backwards ;p One time I left him on the living room floor, quick visit to the kitchen, and when I came back, he was gone. GONE! I panicked for 5 seconds before I found him on his belly quietly watching the telly IN BETWEEN my sofa seats! 
• Sit up right with very little support.

Since Im at it, I just feel like chronicling Ilhan's developmental milestones....

• At 2 months old, he smiles ALOT and is expressive, he is able to hold his head up steadily, his hand/finger coordination improves and he can bring his thumb to his mouth after weeks of trying, very sensitive during senja, had his first cough (twas so bad tht the nebuliser was prescribed)
• 3 months - he smiles, giggles, laughs ALOT and is super expressive, able to lie on his belly and support his upper body with his arms, interest in toys increase and he drools like a leaking water pipe! He has a reflux problem which went away after a few weeks. I fix his bedtime at 9pm.
• 4 months - he learns how to roll over on his belly but still doesnt know how to roll over on his back ;) his interest in dangly colorful toys escalates and starts to reach out and grab them, he learns how to put his toes in mouth ;p He starts to show signs of teething.
• 5 months - he now has a stronger attachment to me, its hard to leave him behind or will only stop crying when he's in my arms. His curiosity intensifies, loves to hold out his hand and study faces ie korek my mouth and my eyeballs with his tiny fingers. His hair at the back of his head starts to thin a little (its normal i was told). He eyeballs our food! (ready to start on solids!). I introduce formula milk :( (i will write more about this in another post)

I feel sooo blessed that I get to witness Ilhan achieve each and every little milestone firsthand. I honestly cant wait for Ilhan to talk :) until then, many other little milestones to look forward to....

I Love you my lil McDreamy....

No One Told Me... Let Me Tell You!

Ya know, I am dead curious why mommies fail to mention this, not even a whisper. One important area that never got to see the light of day was the all important - breastfeeding issues. Hubby and I even attended an antenatal class just to equip ourselves with as much info as we possibly could absorb about the pregnancy, labour and parenting, and YET these issues were not brought up. How odd. And a waste of money. (antenatal classes are not very helpful and in my opinion just another way for someone to make a few bucks out of innocent parents!)

Anyhoot, the first few weeks of breastfeeding was challenging for me because:

1. The breast pump that I had was not right for me
Despite having one of the best electric breast pumps, it was so not right for me. In fact, the 'machine' tortured me like hell the first time I used it. Being the 1st time mommy that I was, I actually, for a moment, thought the torture was part and parcel of pumping! My problem - the 'fit' was not right. At all. So the lesson here is: give your pump a test run before baby arrives. It will save you a few tears. Pls note pumping is not supposed to be painful.

Contrary to popular belief, electric pumps arent always the best option. After THREE pumps, I found that the manual pump was the best for me. And its not such a hassle as I thought it'll be.

2. Milk ducts. Blocked. Painful. As hell.
Why the crap did noone mention this??? I was sooo scared and was panicking when it first happened. One day during my confinement, just after nursing Ilhan, I felt an area of my breast harden. Like stone. And it was hurting so bad. I honestly thought I was ill and something was very wrong with me. I called up a lactation consultant and was so relieved to know that my condition was common. COMMON? How come no mommy ever shared this with me?

Nevertheless I was taught to apply warm compress and massage hardened area to unplug those ducts. Massaging with a plastic comb works better. Yep. But for me they only help relieve the pain a little and only Ilhan can unplug it when I nurse him as often as possible on the breast with blocked ducts. And pls note, most likely the same milk ducts will be blocked over and over again for as long as you are lactating. It takes a few hours to 3 days to unplug a blocked duct. What causes them? Google for answer.

3. When your milk supply decreases, you feel sad
In my case, I was depressed and cried by myself at night when Im alone nursing Ilhan. Now I know what menopausal women go thru! A wave of sadness overcomes you. For me, I was sad because I felt I was a failure - failing in providing my son with the one thing he needs most to develop and grow healthily. Yes, there's formula milk, but its not the same, especially for moms like me who cherish the bonding effects of breastfeeding. And its even sadder when certain people dont understand why I was sad and why substituting breastmilk with formula milk is not the answer for me.

But all hope was not lost, which leads to point number 4....

4. There are ways, MANY ways to increase milk supply!
Thank you Nasaruddin sisters!!!! I am forever grateful to them :) These very well-informed sisters shared with me the mannnnnyyy ways you can increase  milk production. There are supplements, jamus, teas and foods you can take to increase milk supply. I tried a jamu - jamu ASI, and it worked! And I only had to take it once to see results. To think I almost gave in to formula milk!

So when I bring these issues up with friends and experienced mommies, generally I get the same response.... "Ohhhh yessss, it happens."

Ya rabbi, why la you didnt tell me.... ;p

Ilhan Lights up My Life in a Million Ways...

But let me share with you 20...

1. The 1st thing he does when he wakes up in the morning is flash me a big smile :)
2. He lets out a hearty chuckle at ALL my attempts to make him laugh, no matter how lame.
3. He farts. Alot. And so loudly. Its soo funny!
4. He pouts and pouts and he is so good at it!
5. He looks at me like Im the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, in the morning (when I look the crappiest) and even when I dont have a smudge of make up on.
6. He steals a loving look at me now and then when Im nursing him.
7. He tries to sing along when I sing to him. Too adorable.
8. And when I sing, he smiles and enjoys it so much I think I might actually be a GOOD singer. Haha.
9. When he poops, its a major event. His pooping face is priceless!

10. He understands how the camera works. He loves and poses for the camera whenever he is in the mood and when he is not he'll just look away.
11. Whenever he is grumpy or in a raging mood (ie screaming at the top of his lungs), all he wants is Mommy - me! Mommy feels soo loved, appreciated and wanted :)
12. He is such a happy baby he smiles at every tom, dick and harry.
13. Listening him cooing gibberish is absolutely precious.
14. Its so nice to cuddle up with him on the bed at bedtime. So precious....
15. Its so nice when he hugs me and lay his tiny lil head on my shoulders when I carry him.
16. Its so fulfilling to see him grow and achieving little developmental milestones everyday.
17. Its lovely to see him light up his Tok's serious face and bring out the kid in Tok :)
18. Its lovely to see him light up his Daddy's face everyday when Daddy comes home from work.
19. No matter what Ive done, what Ive achieved or what I may have failed, he still looks at me with alot of love.
20. Sometimes when Im feeling low or just lost, all Ilhan needs to do is flash me his big toothless smile :) and it works every single time...

Mommy loves you to bits lil Ilhan :)

What's In A Name?

It's been ages since my last post, and there's just sooooo much I wna share I dunno where to begin. Since my baby was born, every time I tell someone my baby's name - Ilhan Moris, I receive about the same response - "wow, mat salleh nya!". So let me start updating my blog by sharing with you that it is definitely not because I perasan mat salleh nor is it because he has mat salleh blood ;p

Moris is actually my mother in law's late father, which makes him my husband's grandfather, and my son's great grandfather. Despite having a very mat salleh name, Datok, as he was fondly called by his cucus, was 100% Malay. Based on his choice of name, Datok's father must be one heck of a cool person!

When my husband introduced me to his family, I found out what a unique surname his mom and her siblings had. It sounded so cool to me...  Nora Moris, Ami Moris, Kay Moris, Faridah Moris :)

Even before we knew the sex of our child, I told Hanif that I would like to name our child after his grandfather, if it was a boy. Not merely because it was a cool name to me, it was also because of all the stories Ive heard about Datok. Datok, I gathered, was an amazing person.

And since we were honouring Hanif's late grandfather, I thought hey, let's honour my late grand father too :) His name was Yeop Adlan. So it was agreed tht if it was a boy, we would name him Adlan Moris. Perfect!

But one fine day, Hanif had a 'bright' idea - we shld include his paternal grandfather's name too!

All I had to do was insist tht we include my maternal grandfather's name to get Hanif change his mind as quickly as he came up with his bright idea. Phew... Otherwise my child's name could have been............ Adlan Hashim Cheah Moris :p

In the end we compromised and chose to stick with just Moris as our kid's 2nd name. (We figured we cld always name our other kids after our late grandfathers.)

And Ive always liked Ilhan. When Hanif came home one day suggesting that name after a string of totally uncool names (like Hamzah. Hellooo... Im not giving birth to an old man. No offense Liza/Linda/Lena) I quickly agreed. Ilhan means precious.

So there, the story behind our son's unique name :) phewwhhh.

The Bun Popped Out of the Oven!

On 4th January 2010 at 8.29am, God sent me a little piece of heaven... an angel... my angel... my son....

My son will be exactly one month old tmrw. Everyday I look at him and I still cant believe this tiny little being with super tiny toes and fingers, came from me.

Actually the thought of him squeezing his way out from me is rather scary. How in the world was that even possible? God is great. He made humans so clever they created..... the epidural.

And thanks to dear 'happy-dural', my labour experience was just how I had hoped it wld be - memorable and most importantly, pain free :)

Everything happened so quickly that Monday morning. But 1st, on Sunday evening....

7.00pm Hubby & I took our own sweet time to drive to Pantai Hospital for a chk up. I had light spottings since Saturday, but wasnt alarmed until my mom in law insisted I get myself checked by my ob/gyn.

7.30pm Nurse wheeled me from the emergency room to the maternity ward. In my mind,"Is this really necessary?" Nurse insists its hospital's procedure after I politely declined to hop onto the wheelchair.

8.00pm Nurses at maternity ward 'inspected' me and said I was not in labour therefore free to leave.. after my ob/gyn's thorough inspection.

9.00pm Ob/gyn arrived, 'inspected' and announced "You are in labour my dear, 2 cm dilated." WHAT???

9.30pm Mean ob/gyn popped my membranes (water bag) with a frightening looking apparatus that is bigger that the thong u use at a BBQ. It was PAINLESS. I sobbed anyways.

12.00am Drip and epidural administered, not after a bout of frantic crying and sobbing. Ive a fear of needles, big time. Do you know how long the epidural needle is? I dont. Hubby says its insanely long and huge.

Funny story: Anesthesist tried to calm me down by saying,"No needles yet girl, no needles..." and at the exact same moment I felt a needle puncturing my spine.

6.30am Nurse inspects me. Ive fully dilated.

7.00am A cheering squad comprising 2 - 4 nurses and my husband screamed,"PUSHHHHHHHHHHH.... very good... PUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Because I was completely numb from waist down, I had no idea what I was pushing but I gave 150% at every push anyways. The head nurse/cheer captain reassured me I was doin a good job.

8.00am My ob/gyn arrived. She cld see the baby's head crowning. I pushed one more time and then...

8.29am My son was born....

Welcome to this world... little Ilhan Moris....

Sweet (and Fat) Memories of My 1st Pregnancy Sealed...

.... through a super fun maternity photoshoot hubby arranged as a surprise :)

During this pregnancy, I was constantly surfing the internet - eager to equip myself with every possible baby & parenting knowledge possible. Whilst 'studying', I also snuck a peek at dozens of beautiful portraits of moms-to-be. The photos were so beautifully and artfully taken.. the memories of their beautiful bellies sealed forever in photos. And naturally, I was quietly wishing I could do the same :)

Unknowingly, hubby actually took notice....

And so it was arranged on one breezy and sunny Saturday afternoon and I was beyond excited about the maternity shoot! The shoot was done by the same group of photogs who covered our wedding reception. Thanks Aiza & An (of TheLittleBigShots) for the beautiful photos.

Here are a few shots to share (out of 700!).

Love, thank you for this little surprise :) *hugs*